Perfected Recipe

Dawn: “Today, fellow foodies, I bring you a ‘funny’ post…funny, because it sure made me giggle this morning! Yes, I know…it’s the simple things in Life!!!

So without further a-do, here it is…offered up by yours and my all-time-favourite contributor to this here little old food blog….drum roll, please….red carpet…cameras’ flashes…

…I give you no other than my esteemed fellow foodie, chef supreme and all-round-good egg (no pun intended…well…perhaps a smidge of one)…the great, the glorious, the taste buds-alight recipe wizard himself…Andrew!”

Andrew enters to deafening applause…and takes a bow…and another…and one more…

Dawn: “Enough! Cut!” As I make a cutting action with my hand.

Andrew: “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Dahlings…I’m overwhelmed!!!” As he takes another bow.

Dawn: “I sure can feel a ‘Morecombe and Wise’ moment coming on here, Andrew!”

Andrew: “Shucks…sussed again!” as Andrew winks with mirth spread all across his face. 

Dawn: “OK, ‘Star Contributor’, pray what do you bring us today?”

Andrew: “A little something I threw together this very morning, oh esteemed foodie. Do you want me to start?”

Dawn: “Yes, please!”

Andrew: “Then I’ll begin”.

Serves 1

  • Recline on a comfortable location, from which servant can be directed.

Dawn obliges.

  • Direct servant to put kettle on.

Dawn obliges again.

  • Remind servant to fill kettle with water.
  • Direct servant to place teabag in mug or teapot.

Dawn directs…

  • Servant must pour freshly boiled water onto teabag.

Andrew pours freshly boiled water onto teabag.

  • Allow servant to rest.

Andrew rests for 60 seconds…no more…no less.

  • Order servant to check tea has diffused sufficiently.

Dawn directs…

  • If this is the case order the removal of the teabag. If not, feel free to cast a withering look.

Dawn checks diffusion of teabag…casts withering look at Andrew who robustly never grimaces.

  • Direct servant to add milk to mug.

Dawn directs.

  • If milk is added to teapot, roll eyes.

On cue, Dawn rolls eyes.

  • Servant must bring tea to reclining mistress.

Dawn reclines…

  • Serve with dark chocolate digestive.

Andrew serves tea and delicious dark chocolate digestive.

Dawn: “Yes, you can get “the staff” if you try!” and winks, laughing a hearty, mischievous laugh.

For the perfect cuppa, you’ll just need a good person with a heart of gold, a great sense of humour, a fan to cool the reclining said person with, plus one tea bag and lashings of hot water.


Dawn: “And no! We’re not endorsing any tea producing company!”

Andrew: “It just so happens to be the only pic to hand to post!”

For more recipes from the Cooking Dynamo follow @Love_Food_UK on Twitter and follow this blog You’ll also find her on Mumsnet Bloggers Network and Foodies100…oh, and did I mention Facebook at See you there for more fab recipes and food chat!